My writing is stuck. Not in the new job — I’ve got lots to do and write about in that capacity — but here in this personal place I’ve set up to talk about life and living. I’ve been wracking my brain to figure out what’s going on, why I can’t seem to put words to page, and in thinking about it I remembered some sage words a very wise woman recently told me: You’re going to get a great job and it’s going to be incredible, but you’ll still have to process all that you went through this past year.
That seems to be it. As much as landing this role was pretty much my own professional Kismet, being unemployed for a year (even if it’s, to some extent, by choice) is a tough road. Unemployment is an isolating, confidence-withering experience — don’t let anyone tell you differently. There’s no doubt you come out on the other side stronger than you were before, with clearer ideas of who you are and what you want out of life, but it takes effort to process the bad days and accept that you’re back on track and can start living again.
It’s taking time to move on. I’m so focused on digging in at work, but when I step away from my computer, from the emails and conference calls and planning and writing, I still feel broken. And self-mindless, if that makes sense. And wary of making any sudden moves, personal or otherwise. And, honestly, it’s probably going to be awhile because I just want to get on solid ground in this new gig before even opening the lid on the past year’s box o’ mental/emotional/spiritual crap.
Unfortunately, that means my intentions for this place are a bit off kilter with where I’m at in my head. I’ve tried time and again to articulate what I’m feeling and I’m just having a hell of a time formulating the right lexicon to describe it all.
So, I’m refocusing. I’m still going to shoot for the creative writing once a week, but in place of the personal talk I’m going to link to a post or article I read each week that really resonates with me and give a few words as to why. That way I can still contribute here, offer you some awesome additional reading, and maybe begin making sense of what’s going on inside me.
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I can respect that. I think I am where you were just a little while ago. Its a little tough, I won’t lie!
Absolutely! Just remember that it’s okay to be bummed, but stay focused on what you want and have faith you’ll get it. It all turns out good in the end.
Being unemployed is amazingly hard on the ego even if you choose it for yourself. I stayed home with my kids for 6 years and although I would never trade that for the world, my self-confidence was battered and my self-esteem in shreds when I decided to rejoin the workforce. One thing that helped me was to move past the feelings of personal inadequacy and focus on all of the personal growth I had experienced during that time. Leave the negative behind and embrace the excitement of the future.
Good luck on your journey.
Great advice, Gwen. I think it’s hard to understand why you feel beat up when you’ve made the choice to stay home with your children or wait for a fantastic work opportunity. I commend you for taking that time with your children.
I’m doing what I can to embrace all the awesomeness happening with you and our team, but I’m finding that it’s hard for me to write about it. Guess there’s still a little bit of emotional digesting to be done.
Thank you for the well wishes and the comment!
I think you should write up some content relating to the cognitive science topics you’re interested in. Seems like it would be relevant given the mental/emotional processing you’re doing.
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