When did we stop respecting each other?
I mean it.
What confluence of events pushed us to start feeling entitled and stop remembering that no one ever said life was going to be a walk in the park?
We don’t deserve anything in life but respect, and we can’t even manage that anymore. We abuse communication channels to yell at people and companies about their inadequacies, we nitpick and nag like we’re shining examples of moral and ethical perfection ourselves. And then we expect polite responses, considerate handling, expectation-exceeding problem resolutions, and smiles through it all?
Come on.
Whatever has happened to you in life that makes you feel wronged, unhappy, disgusted with people, is just part of it all. It’s part of the journey, and we do right by ourselves to learn from those experiences how we can save others from that same pain. What does projecting our anger on others achieve?
I’m tired of us beating the hell out of each other. I’m tired of watching criticism be delivered with such raw, rude words. I’m tired of us focusing on the bad. And I’ve been the queen of focusing on bad in the past, so that’s saying something.
It’s all a choice. You choose how to feel about what happens to you. You choose to have things happen to you at all. And you choose how to react and respond.
I miss respect and honor and integrity. I miss humility and awareness of others. I miss grace. And I’m not saying this from a place of self righteousness (I’ve screwed up and will continue doing so), I’m saying it from a place of sad observation. We can’t be perfect, but we can do our best to respect the people and experiences that fill our lives, and ask for respect in return. We deserve that.
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
I cannot tell you how much this post resonated with something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately. Yesterday I spoke with four close friends in the “online” space on Skype about this exact thing. That there is this overwhelming negativity and as you put it, people feeling the need to, either underhanded or publicly bash the hell out of each other.
I wrote about this last week –> http://www.lifewithoutpants.com/words-of-wisdom/big-world/
I wrote about how the competitive nature of a lot of folks out there has gotten really, really ugly. And I don’t understand why so many feel threatened. Or choose to handle their feelings so immaturely. In short, there is plenty of opportunity for you, me, and every single one of us to be extremely successful. Sometimes we forget how big the world is and how much opportunity is out there for all of us – we get caught up in our small “bubbles” and we become blind to what’s really out there.
In short – it’s a waste of time and energy – everyone can have a different approach, a different angle, and a different way of doing things and that can be “OK” – it’s not all about agreeing or disagreeing. Sometimes it’s just about coexisting and focusing on what you’re doing instead of bashing and manipulating everyone else for your own personal gain.
Thanks for this T!
Awesome comment, Matt. I had to go read your post before I came back to reply, and it’s fantastic — and hits on an aspect of competition that so many people shove under the rug. There’s an ugly side to wanting to win/be the best/be over-the-moon successful, but it doesn’t have to take over the way we behave and approach life.
I think the tendency to bash is especially prevalent online, where people are protected by distance, a computer screen, and the removal of a real human face reacting to everything that you say. Couple that with this entitlement that’s gotten into us, this sense that we deserve to be treated like royalty by everyone no matter what we do or how we behave, and respect goes flying out the window.
It seems to me as if everyone feels wronged and beaten up, and they let those feelings get in the way, but hey, THIS IS LIFE. Like I said, no one ever guaranteed this was going to be easy and happy and awesome all the time. And we’ve got it SO incredibly great compared to the majority of the people on this planet.
Focus on what you can do and how you can do it gracefully and with a modicum of decency. Being successful and being treated fairly don’t require beating people into submission. On the other hand, a smile and some compassion usually go much, much further.
Positive attitude does go a long way – I maintain that, and am thrilled about where I am today, even if life continues to throw me curve balls.
You also make a great point – in retrospect, what the heck are we fighting for? Sam makes a great point in her post that there are so many more important things out there, before instigating an argument on the internet, go hug your mom, your spouse, or heck, even your dog. There are more important things than bickering and belittling others on the Internet. It’s a massive waste of time and energy.
Last, your point about hiding behind the computer screen, I see this a lot. And as I’ve said to people in the past, 99% of these disagreements we have online could be settled over 10 minutes of REAL face to face time and a beer…seriously.
I wrote a post very much like this last week because I’ve been feeling the same way. Mine was called Get Over It, and that was basically my message. The negativity is ridiculous, and a lot of the things that people are angry about are fairly unimportant in the long run of life. Thanks for writing this post!
Hey, Sam, thanks for stopping by.
It sounds like this subject has been on quite a few minds lately, and there’s good reason for it. You’re so right — we get hung up and irate about such minor things. There are so many bigger and better experiences to focus on.
“I miss respect and honor and integrity. I miss humility and awareness of others. I miss grace.” Amen, sister. At the end of the day, all we have is our self-respect, honor and integrity, grace in how we handle things and humility and courtesy toward others.
I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but contrary to how many people act these days, my mother made sure she told me everyday of my formative years that I was not the only person on the planet. I had an early life lesson in awareness of others, and I find that people complain about this often but are guilty. It’s little things like not leaving your shopping cart in the middle of an aisle while you’re looking for something. Move to the side so others can get by. Simple, right? You’d think.
Humility usually comes when we get some hard lesson in life. Despite my life-long awareness of others, I got my dose of humble pie when I worked as an EMT. There is nothing more humbling than being responsible for another human being, for calming their fears on the way to the hospital, for taking care of them when they are in pain and feeling really crappy, and most importantly, for knowing that they are looking to you to take care of them and maybe just be nice. I’ve held the hands of many scared patients, looked them in the eye and told them that they were going to be okay because they were on my watch. And I kept my word. I think everyone needs to go out and find something that will stretch them to their emotional limit, so they know what it feels like to have to be conscious of someone else’s pain.
I think the online space is somehow too anonymous. If we don’t like something, we just unsubscribe, unfollow or unfriend. No muss, no fuss because we don’t actually see these people. But they are people. All of us here. And to some degree we’re perfect strangers. You have no idea of the tone or intention of people, but it’s pretty clear when the bashing is going on which is unfortunate.
Everyone comes from somewhere. Everyone has a story. Seek first to understand – always.
Great post!
Theresa
10 hours later!
First, thanks for stopping by, Theresa.
I think maybe your mom and mine were cut from the same cloth. I distinctly remember similar reminders of my place in the world! It’s unbelievable how quickly common courtesy and basic respect for others disappear in the face of…well…anything, really. The lack of it is evident in how surprised we are when people thank us or hold the door open for us.
I can’t imagine what you experienced as an EMT, but I’m sure the value of a human life and the respect we all deserve is never more prevalent than it is when you’ve got someone else’s life literally resting in your hands. I personally feel that some people are poised to absorb the lessons from those types of experiences better than others, but I agree that we should all have to witness some of the tougher situations out there. Especially in the US, we live charmed lives, and rarely do we see or experience real pain until someone close to us passes away or we’re forced into trying situations like long-term job loss or personal illness.
You and I are on the same page regarding the online space. As much as I love how much we can connect with each other here, it’s too easy to forget that we’re talking with real people. And even if we can keep that fact in mind, the absence of face-to-face interaction, of seeing someone’s face as they react to what you say, makes harping on others a fairly painless endeavor for those doing the harping.
You’re so right, everyone has a story. We all deserve a bit of understanding.
Thank you so much for the awesome comment!
Teresa,
I’m a real latecomer on this post, but I wanted to chime in anyway. I agree with everything you said.
I think that I do what I can to combat this rapidly spreading evil in a couple of ways. I try to be what I want others to be. I actually place expectations on those around me, at work and at home. Some of my coworkers have had me coach them through saying “please” or telling them how to say something in an nicer way so they don’t just get the point across but remember that they’re dealing with a human on the other end of the phone/email.
But most importantly, I’m raising a kid who knows that things like respect and humility are important. He is influenced by others outside of my house, but I can see how he’s such a good person at heart because of the way he’s been taught since he was young.
I like to say that it’s those little niceties that make life enjoyable. Things like politeness and courtesy may not be “necessary” but I hate life without them.
Hi, Dawn! Latecomers are just as welcome as early birds in my book.
Your way of behaving the way you hope others will offers fantastic perspective. I feel like the real sticking point in all this is that people lose sight of others. We become too self involved and forget that the things we say and do absolutely impact the feelings and behavior of others. I really commend you for stepping up to help your colleagues, and be such a shining example to your little boy. Our parents have a huge impact on our the way we interact with others.
It’s really amazing how those little niceties do make life enjoyable, but it’s so true.
Thanks so much for stopping by!
Great post! I love the exact same sentence that Theresa quoted. Words like integrity, honour and grace are not used enough. It’s rare that we challenge ourselves, and others, on them. It takes a lot of character to honestly evaluate where we’re at, emotionally, mentally and (for some of us) spiritually. I appreciate your call to action for each of us to aim higher, and strive for the moral upper hand. No, it’s not easy, and I mess up all the time too. However, the greatest lessons are often learned in our moments of deepest personal challenge. It takes maturity, time and patience to accept that we are the centre of the universe. I feel fortunate to be in the process of recognizing these dark areas of my own heart, and finally seeing many of them overcome. You’re a great gal, and totally on the right track. Thanks for your honesty.
This is a beautiful comment, Bryna. I often feel like posts of this nature can come off preachy or self-righteous, but I post them anyway because the real gold is in the challenge you speak of. We all are faced with situations and people that make us incensed or make us feel like we should be disrespectful in turn. But we also are 100% capable of making our own behavioral decisions, we have control over our responses and feelings. The position of “helpless victim” is a tired and ineffective one.
It takes a strong and aware individual to openly look into herself and admit where there’s room for improvement. You’re awesome for bravely walking through that part of the self-discovery process. So few people actually take the time or steps to do it.
Thanks for stopping by, my dear.
Weird I think we were all thinking about this for some reason this week.
I was about to write a similar post and then stumbled across this one.
In life it’s important to have opinions and to be critical at times. However I think this can be done with respect. Sadly, the biggest critics in our lives are often those that are closest to us. People spend most of their effort trying to impress and be gracious to those who are complete strangers (via speech, physical attraction, material goods, etc). Unfortunately, this is one of those problems that I can see but have little idea how to fix.
You make a really interesting point about us putting more effort and “respect” into our interactions with people we don’t know. There’s that phrase about familiarity breeding contempt, and I think it’s unfortunately too true. If familiarity doesn’t breed contempt, it at least breeds the tendency to take those close to us for granted. I’m not sure how to fix it, either, except to try and remind ourselves regularly that those in our camp deserve endless respect and gratitude for sticking by us. Great comment, thanks, Brant.
I’m totally with you, in addition to being more aware of respecting each other I think something to keep in mind is doing the same for ourselves – it’s so easy for so many people (myself included) to beat ourselves up with a negative self mantra that is only going to serve to belittle us and keep us from reaching our potential and doing good things in the world.
Great, thought provoking post.
“I miss respect and honor and integrity.”
That statement meant a lot to me. I feel the same way. I always say that respect is earned not given, we each have control over ourselves. If we each begin by respecting ourselves, that forces everyone else to respect us.
Great post!!
I miss honest and genuine people period. So now when I meet people like that, I try to hold onto those friendships as best I can.
Matt Chevy just posted your link on Twitter and I’m so glad I clicked over. So many people forget how important it is to respect one another. It’s like that saying, “treat others the way you wish to be treated.” I think everyone needs to print that out and hang it above their computer/door/car mirror and remind themselves of it before they interact with other people.
Excellent post!