The day after I lost my job (end of October, 2008), I decided I wanted to move to Chicago. I’d had my hopes set on moving to Chicago for a couple years beforehand, but was never able to make it happen within my organization, mostly because I didn’t have the tenure to request an office move, and by the time I did the economy had tanked.
While I was stressed and upset at the loss of my job, I was excited at the opportunity to find a great job and hop states, too.
I spent my year out of the full-time workforce not only looking for an awesome gig but also building connections and gathering a base of friends/acquaintances in Chicago. Social media channels like Twitter allowed me to connect with people in and around the city and get to know them, and I felt so good about being able to move to Chicago with some friendships in place.
This desire to move, unlike a lot of other desires, stuck with me through my entire job search. And now that I have a job, and I’ve gotten past the 30-day mark, I can earnestly consider this desire in realistic, “I can actually make this happen now” terms. And now that I can look at it from this angle…
I’m not so sure I’m ready to go just yet.
Yeah, I know. Please don’t hate me.
What I’m realizing is that I shut down the possibility of staying here because I wanted a clean break and an opportunity to just start over, to not have to face what *I’d* done to feel so separated from my friends and my hometown. I didn’t want to be responsible for my lack of a social life, for my inability to take care of myself, for my lack of pride and confidence in who I am and what I bring to the world.
And you know what? Hefting the responsibility to make all that right onto the shoulders of Chicago is unreasonable and unfair.
I’m not committed to staying here by any stretch of the imagination. But now that life is a little more in order, and I’m much more grown up than I was a year and a half ago, it might be time to take on California and learn to love it before I leave (and, in that same vein, take on myself and learn to love me before I leave, too).
As it stands, the least stomach-churning, most reasonable-sounding path is not to move to Chicago right now, but to move out of my parents’ house and live on my own for six months to a year, then reconsider the move to Chicago after I’ve re-established life on my own and proven to myself that both California and I aren’t so bad.
I’m sorry, Chicago. I love you and I love your people, but…I just don’t know if now’s the time.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
This is just fear. It’s supposed to be scary. You have friends there already, you can do it. Just go! <3
Here’s the thing. When I get right down to it, my fear isn’t of moving to Chicago, it’s fear that I’ve put so much expectation into what will happen when I get there that I’ve set myself up to be disappointed.
Maybe it is just normal fear. Right now I just can’t tell whether I’m motivated to go to Chicago because I really love it there or if I’m motivated because I just want to be back out on my own again. Maybe that really doesn’t matter.
It’s still just fear. the “fear of” stuff is just details your brain makes up to keep you from pushing yourself. You’re right in that it doesn’t matter.
It’s a new chapter, no matter how it ends up, and you’ll learn something no matter what. Plus you get to be closer to all the awesome Chicagoans in the space.
I’m apartment hunting this weekend…here. It just doesn’t feel right to go yet. Like I said in the post, it doesn’t mean I won’t go. Just maybe not as soon as I’d thought.
How incredibly courageous of you to come to this realization, and then to share it with all of us! Picking up your entire life and moving it to another city is a huge adjustment, no matter how many acquaintances and friends you have in the new place. Although it may not be as exciting or adventurous (and without knowing the full story), I think your new plan is just what you need. Let change happen slowly in a somewhat controlled environment and see how you deal with it. Then you’ll know if you’re truly ready for something bigger. Good luck!
Aw, thanks, Sam. Honestly, I’m a pretty open person about this stuff. And yep, picking up and moving that far away is a big, big change, and it requires some major adjustment. Sometimes, we just need that middle step. Something I haven’t taken the time to do is just sit and *be* with all the change this last year brought me. It’s hard for me to even process the idea of moving so far away from home right now. Baby steps.
Teresa –
Dude. Move. Make it happen. If you hate it you can move back. Chicago kicks ass. I lived there for 2 years after college. Life is about change (sometimes). Take the leap. Do something bold. Step out of your comfort zone. This, of course, coming from a dude who in the past 12 years has lived in Ann Arbor, MI; Chicago; KC, MO; Clearwater Beach, FL; Rochester, NY; Durham, NC … and now Salt Lake City (aka, the 801).
You have the personality to be happy wherever you live.
Move to Chicago.
Your friend,
dj
@djwaldow
T – thanks for letting me know about your decision. I was sitting here waiting to see your face pop up at a tweetup in about a month
Seriously though, I respect your decision and vs. seeing it as a fear of change or moving on from your life in Cali, it’s how you choose to shape your path. I know you’ll be even happier for doing it your way.
I’ll definitely be looking forward to seeing how the next year unfolds for you as a friend
Hey Teresa –
I’m just going to echo the sentiments of everyone else here and say it’s a lot of nerves. I just made the move from Cleveland to Austin and while I was sad to leave my friends and family I knew it was the right thing to do. I won’t BS and say it’s easy. Some days I really miss folks back in Cleveland. Other days I’m so busy I barely have time to hear myself think. You’ll find the happy medium between those two poles.
Leave with one other thought I offer to interns and new professionals (you aren’t either, but I think it applies)… You’ll never know your full potential until you take a big leap that really challenges you personally and professionally. In this case, I think it’s the former. What’s the worst that happens seriously? You realize you don’t like Chicago and move back? The job is portable, no? If you love it imagine how much your Radian6 experience will be enhanced.
Just my $0.02. You’ll rock it out whichever option you choose, but if you don’t take the leap I think you might wonder “what if” for quite a while.
Peace!
Hey guys, thank you for all the feedback! I was talking to my dad about this a bit and he said something that kind of sums up where I’m coming from: “You’re managing your change, T.” I guess that’s really it. Being a year out of work is taxing (as Sonny will probably agree) and it’s almost like…now that I’m here doing work I love — and in a situation I’m not used to with all this remoteness — it’s almost like I need to pace this next step. I’ve been in flux long enough and I want time to settle into R6, but I don’t want to continue living with my parents. Living here but on my own is an intermediate step. I think, in the long run, I will end up in Chicago — maybe after 6 months or a year on my own — but I just need the peace of being on my own without the extreme distance from my family and friends.
I really appreciate the perspective, though. You helped me realize that I’m almost positive I want to be in Chicago — I just might not get there as quickly as I’d imagined.
If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not time.
As I drove around my soon-to-be city of residence today on my lunch break, I knew it was right. I can’t wait to move! And if I didn’t feel like that, I’d be concerned.
You’re doing the right thing. And either way, I’m going to come and visit you.
I feel like a major catch-up session is in order!